Jun 11 2018
Digging out of Depression
I’ve been quiet on social media lately. For those of you who know me pretty well, that’s unusual. Sure, I may share the occasional link and funny photo, but usually I’m writing on my blog pretty regularly (or making a conscious effort to). Well, I’ve been hit by the depression monster.
And it fucking sucks.
Since injuring my knee in mid April, I really haven’t been able to go to the gym. And because of not going to the gym, I haven’t been eating well. I don’t understand that connection either, but it works in my mind. The mind of depression is a messed up thing, lemme tell you.
So, with an evil combination of not working out and not eating right, I got down. And with the recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I decided to write about it. It is still pretty taboo to tell people you suffer from depression and anxiety. For those of you who do deal with it, you know we have coping mechanisms. At work, I’m consistently upbeat, positive, and seemingly happy. Those people don’t hear the inner demons in my head that are full of self-doubt and negativity. The two celebrities that committed suicide put faith in those voices and let them control them. It can be hard not to.
The decision to not give into those demons is hard. It is so fucking hard. Of course, when I’m working out and eating well it’s easier, at least for me. The demons are not as loud and they’re easier to silence. Apparently, it has something to do with brain chemicals and receptors, but I’m really not all that science-y.
I do get it, especially after these few weeks of inactivity and not the best eating choices. I’ve been in a slump. I’m digging out of it, slowly, and it’s a hard process. Fucking hard process. I have to make the decision to go out of the house, to keep the plans I’ve made, to go to the retirement party and the bridal shower. I have to make the decision to cook the food I bought for meal prep for this week instead of taking a nap because all I want to do is hide.
It’s really hard. Some of my friends who know me and know my habits have reached out to me due to recent events of mental illness being on the forefront of social media. I’m grateful for them. It’s hard to admit that you’re in a depression. I am great at making excuses and denying the fact that I am down.
For those of you who have friends who deal with depression or you may not know that they deal with depression but have been kind of quiet or solitary or canceling plans lately, reach out. What’s the worst that could happen? You may have a conversation with a friend. Or you may save a life.
I’m thankful for my support system, my amazing husband who is by my side always and knows my symptoms and knows my excuses and helps me deal every day with these demons. Not everybody is fortunate enough to have a support system. The support system may be you and you don’t even know it. Reach out. Help a friend.