Apr 13 2019
Still digging…
The end of 2019 was rough. I lost a job that I enjoyed, with people that were nice, decent pay, and great benefits. I had to go back into the job market and thusly, on unemployment benefits. It sucked. I had some interesting offers, some outrageous ideas, and some ass-clenching moments when I looked at the bank balance when faced with unexpected bills and car repairs.
I fell into a depression, and one that went on for a while. When the money wasn’t coming in, some things had to give. And one was the gym. And with that, went the the benefits. I gained some weight back- ok, most of what I had lost. Also, the mental health benefits. I went into a dark place. It was rough. I was questioning my self worth, my value to my family, and my place in this world. And I silenced my negative inner voice and self doubt with food, something I had done in the past. And it wasn’t good for me, I knew this, but yet I continued.
Thankfully, we were able to keep the roof over our head and food in our bellies due to the grace of God and some amazing supportive family. We’re still cooking and meal-prepping for the weeks and limiting the eating out.
And I’m inspired to write again. It has been a while. When I’m down, and I mean really, really down, it is hard to do daily life activities, let alone write about it. Seriously, taking a shower became an impossible task for me on some days. Cleaning the house, emptying the dishwasher, and putting away the laundry away were things that just took everything out of me. And then there was the joy of applying for jobs, doing phone interviews, in-person interviews, and trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to do in this world.
For now, I’m employed at a place where I am learning a lot, working with good people, and have a very short commute. And I’m actually hopeful for the future, something which I have not been for a long while. So there’s that.
It is one day at a time. And that is good anough for me now.